The Truth About Love

The time stamp in Blogger's sidebar is (thankfully) reminding me of when I wrote this:  6/27/13 at 12:15 PM Pacific Daylight Time.  Please note that I didn't actually post this on the blog until September 12, 2013.

Today's post is very delayed and not on my usual topics.  One thing you should know about me is that I almost always find more inspiration and encouragement in the secular world than in the sacred.  I don't know why - perhaps because of public school during the week and Sunday school on Sundays - but it's always been true for me.  This doesn't mean that Scripture doesn't speak to me, but that I find myself pondering ideas from all over, a lot of them from music, others from books, many from words scribbled various places, and from the mouths of those around me.  For example, the music video above is the one that inspired the title of this post.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,

it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not

dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not

easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with

the truth.  It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

I don't think many of us often consider how often we hear the word "love" tossed around.  With, "I love snow," "I would love to eat dinner with so-and-so," "I love watching How I Met Your Mother," and, "This guy loves French fries," - among many others - we are daily inundated with the strongest positive word in our vernacular vocabularies.  I'm not going to be one of those people who tells you that you don't really love whatever or whoever it is, nor am I going to pretend that I don't use the word too much, but just let your brain chew on it for a bit like a piece of Laffy Taffy.

If a song on the radio isn't a "love song," it's probably an anti-love song.  Don't get me wrong, I love all types of love songs and I understand some of why love is so appealing to write, read, and sing about.  Because I've always been on the speaker side of the radio (except the time I wrote a top paper in a grade school class and had "the opportunity" to read it on the radio - subsequently, someone in our group unplugged the booth during the broadcast...), I also understand why it's so nice to listen to.

So, why do we never seem to get bored with "love?"

I have a few ideas.  First, love is an incredibly complex entity, and attached to it are many threads of thought.  Second, love makes people do things we'd otherwise - and in some cases, still - deem insane.  Third, entire religions are based around the thing!

Complexity almost always equals interesting.  Of course this is not an absolute, as some people just love boring things.  For example, while eating pizza, the restaurant television above us was broadcasting a certain dating reality show.  "Bo-ring," said the boyfriend, "I know," said I.  But I know quite a few people who watch that show religiously - as in take the time to watch it, type a Facebook update each week or however often it's on, and follow gossip blogs and magazines about it - "religiously."  Think of any good story you've ever read, any poem that sparked your interest - there's an air of something that you just don't totally understand.  Even the shortest story, as penned by Ernest Hemingway, offers us complexity.  "For sale.  Baby shoes.  Never worn."  Consider for a moment all of the things that go into those six short words and eight syllables.

Insanity is an interesting term.  I've been watching a lot of Law & Order on Netflix lately and have noticed that the original show has a lot of recurring catch phrases.  "You've got to depend on the jury to make the distinction [between insanity and legal insanity]," is one of my favorites.  It's usually coming from the District Attorney to the Assistant District Attorneys working under him.  I know that I say, "She's just crazy," "This is insane," and, "I've got to be nuts!" just about every day, but am I ever so out of my mind that I don't know what I'm doing or whether or not what I'm doing is morally or legally permissible?   No, I don't think I am.  However, I do things on a daily basis that I wouldn't do if I wasn't madly in love.  I do laundry, I cook, I clean, I forgive, I smile in spite of myself, and I exit my comfort zone.  Are you crazy like me?

When I was still in my local community college, I created this music video for my honors ethics course in philosophy.  I'd appreciate if you checked it out.  My presentation was about the "Golden Rule," which, I think, modern society generally summarizes as, "Do unto others and you would have done to you," and parents throughout the world demonstrate by asking their children, "Would you like it if so-and-so did to you what you just did to so-and-so?"  Out of respect for others' faith, I generally keep mine out of the limelight.  As a Christian, however, I believe that Christ did the ultimate "what you would have done to you" when he died on the cross to save us from damnation and to bring us to live with the Lord. Though most other religions don't have a Messiah, the foundations are similar.  If nothing else, people in their history have brought their people or faith through a shaky or uncertain time and they heap laud on these people as heroes of their faith. Love is about giving, love is freedom, and love is being tied to those who have brought you to where you are.

The ring isn't an engagement ring, but it's an infinity symbol
on a ring, from my boyfriend, for my 24th birthday.  And I
wear it 24/7. =)

Wrapped in Romance

A few months ago, I updated my Facebook status to, "Everyone else is like 'I'm engaged,' and I'm just like, 'I'm in love!'"  A former professor (and - dare I say it - wise friend) commented something along the lines of , "Congratulations!  It couldn't have happened to a sweeter girl!"  It took a few awkward responses for me to understand: he's just happy that I'm in love.  That's enough.  Every day, I remind myself that love is enough.  I can't deny that in that far of someday, I want to get married to the man I love.  That would be crazy for me.  I'd be lying just to stay somehow correct in society's eyes.  A lot of people will say that I should want to be married.  A lot of other people will say that this has something to do with Disney of all things.  A lot of people will say that I'm a wishy-washy feminist for wanting to get married.

A couple years ago, when the owner of the big hand that's sometimes in my food pictures and I had been dating for only about six months, I said that my feelings didn't matter when I was in an irrational bout.  "If you feel something, it's real."  That little sentence is one of those that has been the foundation of our relationship from the get-go; even our friendship depended on this.  Feelings are not necessarily rational, but that you feel something is, in fact, real.  And even that is enough.  If we feel something, we tell each other.  We try not to judge, but feel free to comfort, hug, kiss, argue, and even tease.

I am in love with my best friend.

We took a chance on each other, a leap of faith that has taken us through two and a half years already.  We're not particularly ostentatious about our relationship, but we're both proud of what we have and we both hope for a mutual future.  I recently read a piece "How Do You Know When You Love Someone?" and found the conceit interesting - "Love is a series of choices."  I suppose it is, but those first choices were, for me, involuntary.  I didn't choose to have him sit behind me in high school show choir or to be paired up to dance with him while awkwardly singing "Puttin' on the Ritz" and wielding PVC "canes."  I didn't choose to go to school with him at all.  Some of those choices are out of our hands.  Many of them rest in our loved ones' hands.  I think the most impressive thing about this idea is that, even though they're not entirely in our hands, they're in the hands of someone we trust.  Now, of course I'm not saying that person will never let us down or hurt us, but does that mean we should cut ourselves off and keep building walls?  I know that, personally, a series of upsetting events led me back to someone I'd long written off.  I also know that without the help of certain friends, I'd still be a chubby ball of angst sitting in the corner of the room, begging them to stop asking how I feel.

Still, the man I love is the one I've always felt free to share secrets with, even if we were secretly sharing secrets.  We people watch and joke about the people, sometimes just catching the other's eye when the person in question is too close for us to discuss.  We tease each other mercilessly.  We're complete opposites who really have to work at finding common ground.  We ask nicely when we can and try not to raise our voices.  We get frustrated and cuddle until we've forgotten the problem.  When it resurfaces, we talk it out.  We cook together.  We compromise.  We work things out.  We have inside jokes.  We like to giggle.  We put up with each other's habits and hobbies - and encourage and try them out!  We try to teach each other things when we just don't understand.  We like puns and bad jokes.  We talk about everything, text a lot, and hug whenever one of us enters a room.  The truth is that a lot of times, love isn't that romantic, even in a "romantic" relationship.  And that's okay!

And that's enough.

Being in love is different for different people.  I don't know what your romantic relationship is like or even if you have one.  I don't know who you are, maybe.  Love is wonderful.  Make a choice to love and to show love - to your friends, your parents, your siblings, your cat, your dog, your boyfriend, your girlfriend - whomever.

Because love isn't really about romance; it's about resiliency and comradery and shared dreams and so much more!  Every experience is a learning experience.  So learn something from the dog begging for a walk and share that dream with her.  Play with your cat and let him sleep on your lap for a while without getting up because really, who wants to be awoken from a nice deep sleep in a cuddly place?  Call your mom and tell her you love her, even if she's driving you mad.  If you promised your girlfriend you'd see that movie with her on Saturday and then make plans to do something else at the same time, take her to see it at an alternate time.  Don't do things out of mere obligation, but because you truly want to do them.  I often make the mistake of thinking that my boyfriend's wanting to do something "just because" I want to do them invalidates that want somehow.  In fact, it's really sweet and I'm the one who needs to compromise.  Because that's wonderful!

"Tomorrow" will bring new challenges, greater debates, higher stakes, and - if I'm lucky - coffee, conversation, and kisses.  Maybe my life hasn't been set along with a diamond in a setting yet, but it's a possibility.  All I can do now is keep loving, living, laughing, and holding tightly to the one I love.

We're using my grandmother's rings.  They're soldered together.

Most of you who are reading this know me well enough to know that I've had what Facebook labeled a "Life Event" recently.  My life has now "been set along with a diamond in a setting."  Some people have jokingly remarked that I "tricked him into marrying me," or made a pass at the fact that I "brought my own ring."  I've even taken flak for stating that I'm "in love" and had articles concerning the validity of "that feeling."    I know what you're all saying.  I said it months ago and was asked not to post it.  But now that y'all know that I'm in love enough to have made the decision to love my best friend day in and day out for the rest of my life, I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't assume you know how I feel about "that feeling" or assume that I don't know what I'm doing.  I think it's smartest and most respectful to assume the best of people.  I don't know everything, but I know how to love this wonderful blessing of a man God (or fate or the Force or the stars or cthulhu or the flying spaghetti monster... or whatever/whoever else you think controls everything) has placed in my life.

Love really does conquer all - the monotony of a daily routine, the nerves of wondering how people will react to an engagement, the arguments about where to eat dinner, the joys of mastering a new skill - and every part of life.

Love is always enough.