I have some perspectives that - trust me! - you'll wish you had heard. These are things that challenge you now, but someday will be second nature. The sooner you believe them, the sooner things will get better.
Change sucks, but it happens. In the next several years, your life will change immeasurably. All that you know now will be lost, but so many things will come into focus as you move along. Two of the women closest to you will be gone soon. As will Tig. You'll cry a lot. You'll be depressed and block out everyone.
Change rocks, but it takes time! This might seem to completely contradict the last life lesson, but they're equally important. Your life is about to become a roller coaster.
You're told every day that the outsiders are the bad people and that differences necessitate divisions. Homosexuality is a sin not to be tampered with. Sexuality is a mystery sealed until your wedding night - and after that, it's simple. Psh. The people you encounter don't venture to some of the surrounding towns because the color of the people's skin there is not pale enough. Thankfully, you already have your mind made up that that's stupid. You're bombarded with the life and death of the Law and Gospel and brainwashed into believing that all other religions are inferior - but you can't shake the idea that it's not true. Keep believing that your God is more gracious than everyone else seems to give Him credit for being. There are some pretty amazing people who agree with you.
You won't always know how to deal with the challenges. You'll get sidetracked, discouraged, and forget what it's like to honestly feel, to freely speak, and to experience extremes of emotion. That you've never felt passionate will pull you away from the things you might become passionate about. That you've never felt "the Spirit" will lead you away from Him. That you're afraid will keep you afraid. And alone.
And someday, you'll have someone push you farther than you want to be pushed. You'll go places you're not thinking - for a moment - that you'll ever go.
You'll wake up in countless rooms - the one you have now, the ones you'll stay in at friends' houses, and even your dorm rooms - and wonder how you manage to be the one person in the world who gets everything wrong, who never makes the right call, and how you always come in last. Hell, some days, you'll wake up in a beautiful apartment and wonder the same thing.
Some days someday, though, you'll wake up and your life will feel like a dream - soft blankets, light streaming through ninety year old windows with tired mini blinds, an oscillating fan blowing a gentle breeze, and a beautiful orange fuzzy butt kitty curled beside you. You'll remember the man you love kissing you goodbye as he left for work. You'll look around the room and see the mess that two people and that kitten can make and know that you can either be overwhelmed by falling behind or see the beauty in this life you're building. Because, ultimately, it's not about what life throws at you, it's about what you throw at life and whether you hit or catch the baseballs well.
And you, seventeen year old, Yvonne, are right about one thing: life doesn't get better and no one understands you. Life gets better when you talk, when you open up, when you learn to love, and when you feel the fire of passion. Your husband doesn't understand you, either, but he tries so hard and listens so intently.
Every day has the potential to be a dream day. That's why life is worth living.
Good luck!
-Yvonne
P.S.: Don't get discouraged about the first date you're going on in a couple weeks. It'll work out... eventually!
Good luck!
-Yvonne
P.S.: Don't get discouraged about the first date you're going on in a couple weeks. It'll work out... eventually!
