Blog Swap with Rebekah: Friendship and This Crazy Thing Called "Adulthood"

Today is time for something new for my blog.  It's a blog swap with my friend Rebekah.  We were West Coast transfer buddies who came into Berea College in fall 2010.  Now we're swapping blogs - the topic of the day is friendship as we "grow up."  As Rebekah posted on my Facebook wall a few minutes ago, "I'm hitting publish.  It's go time!"

Oh, and if you're interested in seeing the piece I wrote, visit her page. 

*          *          *

How has your approach to maintaining friendships changed as you've entered adulthood? How do you make new friends? How do you let go of old friends?

via

When I returned home from 2 years away at college and another 7 months away in the Frozen Tundra for an internship, my dad gave me some words of wisdom: "Expand your circles," he told me. And as most dads are most of the time when delivering wise words, my dad was right. Many of my friendships at home had changed: friends had moved, gotten married, finished school or transferred somewhere else, and had continued living life while I was away. My circle of friends had shrunk to a very small number {and it is at this point that I will give the biggest shout-out ever to my bestie Samara for continuing to grow our friendship over distances great and small - you're the best!}, and Pops saw this and recognized that I needed to be encouraged shoved outside of my comfort zone to forge new friendships, rekindle old friendships, and stop harassing Samara expand my circle.

Slowly but surely my circles expanded. I realize that my sentence is passive and would lead you to believe that my circles expanded all by themselves, but that is not the truth. The truth is that it took me many months and many semi-awkward {at least for me} conversations and much humility and a lot of guts to expand my circles. The humility was the most important part, because I had so many preconceived ideas of who I wanted to be friends with and who I most definitely, under no circumstances, absolutely not would be friends with...and I had to let those all go and actually get to know people. And you know what? I was wrong about those people, and I'm glad I was, because now there are amazing and wonderful people who I get to call my friends!

via

Bek, give us the 4-1-1 on how your circles expanded, because surely they didn't expand themselves! You are right, brilliant reader, they didn't. The easiest {and hardest!} thing was to pretend Samara and I were joined at the hip sometimes, which forced me to enter into conversations with people she was friends with. This is where my preconceived ideas about people I'd previously known in name only were completely thrown out. I could list several people about whom I had made personal judgments and therefore shut out of my friend circles, but after actually talking to them learned that they are awesome and sweet and wonderful and kick-ass and lovely. And then once I made friends with one person, I could join myself to their hips {this metaphor is getting awkward} and meet their friends. 

Really, for a practical explanation, it meant that I went up and talked to people. I found more confidence if I was with an already-established friend, but I feel more confidence with a friend when I'm cooking, too, and that doesn't always work out. What I'm saying is, I'm definitely an extrovert and being alone when I'm trying to not be alone just made things worse {in my own head}. So having Samara or someone else with me made me more willing to talk to people I wouldn't have normally. 

But Bek, what about those friends from before? Well, dear reader, I'm glad you asked. Some of those friendships have shifted to a slightly-more-distance acquaintance, which could be sad in the moment, but who knows what will happen in the future? For example, my friend Jessie and I are no longer in the same state or stage of life, but golly do I enjoy her company and miss her laugh! Because of time zones and new babies {due any day!!!}, it's not always practical to talk on the phone with Jessie every week or even every month, but we catch up when we can, and I try and send her birthday cards and fun little notes every once in a while. We may not be as amazingly close as we were a few years ago, but that's okay.

Jessie's friendship may be an example of both letting go of and maintaining a friendship, because while she is no longer my go-to "adventure buddy," she is still a dear friend whom I value and appreciate and hope that someday may be close to again {both geographically and adventure-wise}. I have other friends with whom I am close in spirit but not in distance, and for this reason I am a huge fan of technology. No, nothing replaces physical presence {hence my surprise trip to see AJ}, but personal messages and shared links on Facebook, text messages, phone dates, and even snail mail all help make the distance feel smaller.

For my friends who live close, the above tactics work, but then of course hanging out is also an option. I try and get together with people one-on-one regularly, because for me that's when the most connection happens. I also enjoy bringing together my circles, because we all could use help in the Meeting New Friends department. For example, last Christmas, Samara and I hosted a book exchange with some friends from school, church, Notions, and some people we wanted to get to know. It was really fun, and I think everyone enjoyed talking with new acquaintances. {Plus, I made sangria for that party, which we all know is the best thing ever!} 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to make new friends, but it's worth it. It's hard to keep old friends, but it's worth it. It's hard to be a good friend, but it's worth it. Seriously. 

And just for one last laugh, this is what I found while searching Pinterest researching friendship quotes...

via

Well, crap. Good things my friends love me :)