I'm a "rather inspirational lady"

This morning, I looked at my phone and saw a funny little symbol at the top, where text message and Facebook notification icons usually appear.  It turned out that I had a My Fitness Pal message from someone I had a class with the first semester I was losing weight.  This is a super quick copy/paste post, but... I'm feeling entitled to it.

Just wanted to write because I am coming back to my fitness pal for reals starting July 1st - AND I just wanted to say fantastic work! Along with that too, I wanted to know how you do it? Through my fitness pal was when I reached the closest to my fitness goals but then, I dunno, life happened? There are so many temptations and I lost track. I was just curious if you had some helpful wisdom for a someone struggling. Sorry if this seems sorta out of the blue but I have to say, you're rather inspirational lady. Thanks for letting me babble a bit. 

Hey, [MFP friend]! 

Feel free to "Friend" me on MFP - yvonnster88

There's no reason to apologize for being out of the blue, especially since you're paying me such high compliments in the process! ;) Honestly? I'm not feeling all that inspirational lately. I'm feeling lazy, bloated, and unmotivated, so your message has made my day LOADS better already! I gained back about 15 pounds from my lowest weight so far, so I understand "life happening." However, my gains were more because I just got sick of feeling controlled by calorie counting. I don't know if that makes sense to you or not. I just started to feel obsessed and a bit crazy for always having to be on top of my game, but now I'm coming back to the realization that I need something to focus on in order to keep myself on track and my weight in check. 

From what I remember of your MFP updates, you're really good about exercising when you get going. That, my friend, is FANTASTIC. I wish I had that motivation - in fact, I'm working on it currently! The truth is that losing weight is really bizarre. See this. We often lament how difficult it is - physically, but fail to recognize that it plays with our minds, too. It's just a strange thing. Physical pieces of your body DISAPPEAR. 

Anyway, by best advice is in that blog, but here are some add-ons: Don't be ashamed - if you're eating in a restaurant, don't be afraid to cut your food into smaller portions (i.e. halves or quarters of the whole) and to save it for later. Don't get mad at yourself - I often get upset when I realize I over ate or forgot to add something to MFP, but the truth is that you can make up for it tomorrow! Don't tell yourself you can eat things "later" (i.e. after you've lost it all) - the truth is that you'll always have to watch stuff and be honest with yourself. 

Also, you should check out Reddit.com's weight loss forum - r/loseit (just type "loseit" into the search bar). It's full of fantastic people losing weight. Reddit also has a lot of subreddits that are helpful - r/motivation, r/fitness, r/C25K, etc. If you can think of it, Reddit probably has SOMETHING... and it's generally more honest and less gimmicky and commercial than, say, a Google search (though, of course, Google rocks, too!). 

I'm just getting back on track, too! Right now, I'm looking to start an intense (for me - my right ankle is bad, as is my left knee) exercise regimen of walking at 4 mph for 75 minutes each day, plus an hour or so of yoga each day, 6 days a week. I'm hoping that plus my 1200 calorie/day diet will help me bust through the plateau and reach my goal weight without too much frustration. I'd like to be the fittest I've ever been as a 25th birthday (October 1st) present to myself. :) 

Here's what I suggest: Let's make our food diaries visible to our friends. Let's hold each other accountable. Let's be respectful and encouraging. LET'S DO THIS! 

Good luck! 
-Yvonne 

P.S.: Thanks for letting ME babble a bit!

Now I'm feeling all inspirational and proud and excited about this next stage and I just had to share!  Even if I'm beating the horse whose saddle I'm in, this is the next phase and I'd love to help out anyone who's looking for help!  If you need tips or encouragement, see my previous weight loss blog, "friend" me on My Fitness Pal, and we can do this together!  I know I'm going to have a hard time keeping myself in check, but I believe I'm worth it.

Then again, maybe I just had a fantastic breakfast with a lot of coffee and the caffeine hasn't worn off yet... Either way, I'm looking forward to a long walk on Monday morning, followed by job applications, dinner making, and solo yoga!

The Truth About Love

The time stamp in Blogger's sidebar is (thankfully) reminding me of when I wrote this:  6/27/13 at 12:15 PM Pacific Daylight Time.  Please note that I didn't actually post this on the blog until September 12, 2013.

Today's post is very delayed and not on my usual topics.  One thing you should know about me is that I almost always find more inspiration and encouragement in the secular world than in the sacred.  I don't know why - perhaps because of public school during the week and Sunday school on Sundays - but it's always been true for me.  This doesn't mean that Scripture doesn't speak to me, but that I find myself pondering ideas from all over, a lot of them from music, others from books, many from words scribbled various places, and from the mouths of those around me.  For example, the music video above is the one that inspired the title of this post.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,

it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not

dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not

easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with

the truth.  It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

I don't think many of us often consider how often we hear the word "love" tossed around.  With, "I love snow," "I would love to eat dinner with so-and-so," "I love watching How I Met Your Mother," and, "This guy loves French fries," - among many others - we are daily inundated with the strongest positive word in our vernacular vocabularies.  I'm not going to be one of those people who tells you that you don't really love whatever or whoever it is, nor am I going to pretend that I don't use the word too much, but just let your brain chew on it for a bit like a piece of Laffy Taffy.

If a song on the radio isn't a "love song," it's probably an anti-love song.  Don't get me wrong, I love all types of love songs and I understand some of why love is so appealing to write, read, and sing about.  Because I've always been on the speaker side of the radio (except the time I wrote a top paper in a grade school class and had "the opportunity" to read it on the radio - subsequently, someone in our group unplugged the booth during the broadcast...), I also understand why it's so nice to listen to.

So, why do we never seem to get bored with "love?"

I have a few ideas.  First, love is an incredibly complex entity, and attached to it are many threads of thought.  Second, love makes people do things we'd otherwise - and in some cases, still - deem insane.  Third, entire religions are based around the thing!

Complexity almost always equals interesting.  Of course this is not an absolute, as some people just love boring things.  For example, while eating pizza, the restaurant television above us was broadcasting a certain dating reality show.  "Bo-ring," said the boyfriend, "I know," said I.  But I know quite a few people who watch that show religiously - as in take the time to watch it, type a Facebook update each week or however often it's on, and follow gossip blogs and magazines about it - "religiously."  Think of any good story you've ever read, any poem that sparked your interest - there's an air of something that you just don't totally understand.  Even the shortest story, as penned by Ernest Hemingway, offers us complexity.  "For sale.  Baby shoes.  Never worn."  Consider for a moment all of the things that go into those six short words and eight syllables.

Insanity is an interesting term.  I've been watching a lot of Law & Order on Netflix lately and have noticed that the original show has a lot of recurring catch phrases.  "You've got to depend on the jury to make the distinction [between insanity and legal insanity]," is one of my favorites.  It's usually coming from the District Attorney to the Assistant District Attorneys working under him.  I know that I say, "She's just crazy," "This is insane," and, "I've got to be nuts!" just about every day, but am I ever so out of my mind that I don't know what I'm doing or whether or not what I'm doing is morally or legally permissible?   No, I don't think I am.  However, I do things on a daily basis that I wouldn't do if I wasn't madly in love.  I do laundry, I cook, I clean, I forgive, I smile in spite of myself, and I exit my comfort zone.  Are you crazy like me?

When I was still in my local community college, I created this music video for my honors ethics course in philosophy.  I'd appreciate if you checked it out.  My presentation was about the "Golden Rule," which, I think, modern society generally summarizes as, "Do unto others and you would have done to you," and parents throughout the world demonstrate by asking their children, "Would you like it if so-and-so did to you what you just did to so-and-so?"  Out of respect for others' faith, I generally keep mine out of the limelight.  As a Christian, however, I believe that Christ did the ultimate "what you would have done to you" when he died on the cross to save us from damnation and to bring us to live with the Lord. Though most other religions don't have a Messiah, the foundations are similar.  If nothing else, people in their history have brought their people or faith through a shaky or uncertain time and they heap laud on these people as heroes of their faith. Love is about giving, love is freedom, and love is being tied to those who have brought you to where you are.

The ring isn't an engagement ring, but it's an infinity symbol
on a ring, from my boyfriend, for my 24th birthday.  And I
wear it 24/7. =)

Wrapped in Romance

A few months ago, I updated my Facebook status to, "Everyone else is like 'I'm engaged,' and I'm just like, 'I'm in love!'"  A former professor (and - dare I say it - wise friend) commented something along the lines of , "Congratulations!  It couldn't have happened to a sweeter girl!"  It took a few awkward responses for me to understand: he's just happy that I'm in love.  That's enough.  Every day, I remind myself that love is enough.  I can't deny that in that far of someday, I want to get married to the man I love.  That would be crazy for me.  I'd be lying just to stay somehow correct in society's eyes.  A lot of people will say that I should want to be married.  A lot of other people will say that this has something to do with Disney of all things.  A lot of people will say that I'm a wishy-washy feminist for wanting to get married.

A couple years ago, when the owner of the big hand that's sometimes in my food pictures and I had been dating for only about six months, I said that my feelings didn't matter when I was in an irrational bout.  "If you feel something, it's real."  That little sentence is one of those that has been the foundation of our relationship from the get-go; even our friendship depended on this.  Feelings are not necessarily rational, but that you feel something is, in fact, real.  And even that is enough.  If we feel something, we tell each other.  We try not to judge, but feel free to comfort, hug, kiss, argue, and even tease.

I am in love with my best friend.

We took a chance on each other, a leap of faith that has taken us through two and a half years already.  We're not particularly ostentatious about our relationship, but we're both proud of what we have and we both hope for a mutual future.  I recently read a piece "How Do You Know When You Love Someone?" and found the conceit interesting - "Love is a series of choices."  I suppose it is, but those first choices were, for me, involuntary.  I didn't choose to have him sit behind me in high school show choir or to be paired up to dance with him while awkwardly singing "Puttin' on the Ritz" and wielding PVC "canes."  I didn't choose to go to school with him at all.  Some of those choices are out of our hands.  Many of them rest in our loved ones' hands.  I think the most impressive thing about this idea is that, even though they're not entirely in our hands, they're in the hands of someone we trust.  Now, of course I'm not saying that person will never let us down or hurt us, but does that mean we should cut ourselves off and keep building walls?  I know that, personally, a series of upsetting events led me back to someone I'd long written off.  I also know that without the help of certain friends, I'd still be a chubby ball of angst sitting in the corner of the room, begging them to stop asking how I feel.

Still, the man I love is the one I've always felt free to share secrets with, even if we were secretly sharing secrets.  We people watch and joke about the people, sometimes just catching the other's eye when the person in question is too close for us to discuss.  We tease each other mercilessly.  We're complete opposites who really have to work at finding common ground.  We ask nicely when we can and try not to raise our voices.  We get frustrated and cuddle until we've forgotten the problem.  When it resurfaces, we talk it out.  We cook together.  We compromise.  We work things out.  We have inside jokes.  We like to giggle.  We put up with each other's habits and hobbies - and encourage and try them out!  We try to teach each other things when we just don't understand.  We like puns and bad jokes.  We talk about everything, text a lot, and hug whenever one of us enters a room.  The truth is that a lot of times, love isn't that romantic, even in a "romantic" relationship.  And that's okay!

And that's enough.

Being in love is different for different people.  I don't know what your romantic relationship is like or even if you have one.  I don't know who you are, maybe.  Love is wonderful.  Make a choice to love and to show love - to your friends, your parents, your siblings, your cat, your dog, your boyfriend, your girlfriend - whomever.

Because love isn't really about romance; it's about resiliency and comradery and shared dreams and so much more!  Every experience is a learning experience.  So learn something from the dog begging for a walk and share that dream with her.  Play with your cat and let him sleep on your lap for a while without getting up because really, who wants to be awoken from a nice deep sleep in a cuddly place?  Call your mom and tell her you love her, even if she's driving you mad.  If you promised your girlfriend you'd see that movie with her on Saturday and then make plans to do something else at the same time, take her to see it at an alternate time.  Don't do things out of mere obligation, but because you truly want to do them.  I often make the mistake of thinking that my boyfriend's wanting to do something "just because" I want to do them invalidates that want somehow.  In fact, it's really sweet and I'm the one who needs to compromise.  Because that's wonderful!

"Tomorrow" will bring new challenges, greater debates, higher stakes, and - if I'm lucky - coffee, conversation, and kisses.  Maybe my life hasn't been set along with a diamond in a setting yet, but it's a possibility.  All I can do now is keep loving, living, laughing, and holding tightly to the one I love.

We're using my grandmother's rings.  They're soldered together.

Most of you who are reading this know me well enough to know that I've had what Facebook labeled a "Life Event" recently.  My life has now "been set along with a diamond in a setting."  Some people have jokingly remarked that I "tricked him into marrying me," or made a pass at the fact that I "brought my own ring."  I've even taken flak for stating that I'm "in love" and had articles concerning the validity of "that feeling."    I know what you're all saying.  I said it months ago and was asked not to post it.  But now that y'all know that I'm in love enough to have made the decision to love my best friend day in and day out for the rest of my life, I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't assume you know how I feel about "that feeling" or assume that I don't know what I'm doing.  I think it's smartest and most respectful to assume the best of people.  I don't know everything, but I know how to love this wonderful blessing of a man God (or fate or the Force or the stars or cthulhu or the flying spaghetti monster... or whatever/whoever else you think controls everything) has placed in my life.

Love really does conquer all - the monotony of a daily routine, the nerves of wondering how people will react to an engagement, the arguments about where to eat dinner, the joys of mastering a new skill - and every part of life.

Love is always enough.

Instant classics: bread, chicken, and granola

There's nothing quite like following up a "look how much I've lost!" blog post with a "look how much awesome food I made and devoured!" blog post, but I suppose there's a first time for everything.

First, though, I'd like to thank you if you're reading this blog, even if it's your first time.  Writing without a deadline and pressure of academic scrutiny is refreshing and feels really good.  Although I'm somewhat terrified of what I might say - since I'm generally pretty candid on here - the saving grace that is "Backspace" and the hope that you read this with the best of intentions keeps my writing sincere and open.  I've been going through a pretty rough patch lately and have noticed myself reverting to some nasty old habits, but I'm trying hard to remember the lessons I've learned from my countless friends - most of whom are too far away to see every day and too busy during finals season to read this, wonderful professors, accepting family, and a particularly wonderful counselor.  Life, they say, throws curve balls.  Well, I feel more like the pitching machine just isn't working at the moment and I've been at bat for a long while.  I'm sick of hearing people talk about "the economy" and "the recession."  I understand why it's difficult to find work; my intelligence is not the issue here!

I'm very thankful for the time I've been given these last few months, though, and the freedom afforded me by certain members of my inner circle.  Being near family again is fantastic.  Being close to my boyfriend for the first time in two years without a mental countdown to when I have to leave is incredible!  The people I'm with nowadays give me everything and love me when I'm frustrated by a long online job application or ecstatic about the yogurt I made.  I'm really so blessed!

Nail techniques I've tried out:  Top was my first attempt at
water marbling, the bottom is the dot manicure I am currently
rocking.  New favorite colors are from Wet N' Wild Meg Last:
"2% Milk" and "I Need a Refresh-Mint."

They even put up with my complaints.

Anyway, this past week has brought a lot of new food experiences into my life - and I've started doing my nails, which is a weird little passion the twelve-year-old version of myself would have probably been the most proud of, had she been afforded a glimpse of herself at twenty-four.

Back to the food-ure (in a very Doc and Marty-esque way)!

The week's lineup included Rosemary Olive Oil Bread, Roasted Herb Chicken, and something I've been begged to try for quite a while now - Homemade Granola.

The bread was impromptu and should be emblematic for all you Pinterest-ers out there who see part of a recipe, read the words "slow-cooker" and "bread" in the same description, skim the recipe, and say, "I am so making that right now!"  As delicious as it was - only a half of a piece was left for the next day - it is most certainly not a slow-cooker bread, though I "hear-tell" those exist and see one in my future.  The chicken was born out of my frustration with grocery ads.  How is it that certain things go on sale every other week?  Couldn't the big companies just settle a price for something like boneless skinless chicken breast?  If it's on sale for $1.99/lb every other week, but is "normally" somewhere between $2.99/lb and $3.99/lb, it seems like just letting it even out around $2.50/lb (or, more likely - $2.49/lb) would be better.  But I guess that's just me.  I shop the sales.  Anywho, whole chickens were on sale for cheap, so I decided to try my whole-bird-making-virgin-hands at it.  It turned out so much better than I dared to hope for!  The granola, as I mentioned, was made upon the somewhat insistent request of that man who helps me cook and who knows how to make me like breakfast food.

Rosemary Olive Oil Bread
As I mentioned earlier, this bread was made on a whim, without good planning, and with some replacement ingredients.  Here is the original recipe I adapted.  I'm sure that one is fantastic, but to be perfectly honest, the different flours threw me.  I have all-purpose and I don't really see the point in buying two new flours to make a loaf of bread.  Then again, I'm sure whole wheat lour would be a good investment and much better for me.  Oftentimes, though, I don't see the point in going out on a limb for something I've never tried.  Buying something I might never have used again is not okay at this point.  I also couldn't help trying to use a little garlic in my bread, but I resisted the urge to saturate it!  Also, fancy schmancy directions just don't always appeal to me, especially when they're not within my power to pull off.

1 cup warm water (I just used warm tap water)
1 Tbsp. white sugar
2 tsp. active dry yeast (I used 1 packet)
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. dried rosemary (I bet fresh would be even yummier!)
1/4 tsp. Italian seasoning
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
2 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
2 cups all-purpose flour + extra for kneading1 egg, whisked + 1 Tbsp. water, for egg wash
dried rosemary, for sprinkling

a little minced garlic

1.  Foamy yeast mixture
2.  Dough put into the greased
bowl
3.  Dough after first rising
4.  Dough in pan while waiting
to put it in the oven

1)  Mix the water, sugar, and yeast.  Let it sit 10 minutes to get all foamy.

2)  Mix together the salt, rosemary, seasonings, olive oil, and slowly add in the 2 cups of flour.  Knead on a floured surface for about 5 minutes.  Add more flour if you need to; I did!

3)  When it's smooth, put the dough into a lightly greased bowl (I used olive oil to grease mine!).  Cover with plastic wrap or a lid and let it rise for about an hour until it's doubled in size.

4)  Punch and knead the dough for a while.  I want to say I did mine for about ten minutes, though the directions from A Hint of Honey don't say how long to do it.  When I was doing this, I oiled the counter and my hands, just like when I made simit back in February!

The garlic I added on top turned out
so burned.  If you want to try it, I
suggest putting it on near the end
of the baking time.  That's what I'll
be trying next time I make it!

5)  Form the dough into a round loaf and put it onto a very lightly greased pan, cover with plastic wrap, and let rise until doubled in size, approximately 45 minutes.  While waiting, preheat your oven and cast iron pan (the directions actually call for a pizza stone) to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.  Also, whisk the egg together with the water and get your dried rosemary out again - assuming you put it away to begin with!

First slice!

6)  Put the egg wash onto the dough.  A lot of it will slide off, but you just need enough for a nice crust to make the rosemary stick.  Sprinkle on the rosemary.

7)  Place the dough on the preheated pan.  If some of your rosemary has fallen off, sprinkle more!  Bake it for 20-25 minutes or until it's nice and golden on the top!

The helper insisted on having an egg and cheese sandwich

Warning:  Your entire house/apartment/living space will most likely smell fantastic.  Also, your tummy will probably be full of bread within hours of completion.  Consider this fair warning!


Lemon-Herb Roast Chicken
Although under the title "Herb Roasted Chicken and Vegetables" in the BC cookbook, I modified some things.  I didn't make it with veggies and I think the most incredible thing about this chicken was the lemon, which isn't even mentioned in the title of their recipe!  I also had a bigger bird than the recipe called for, weighing in at 5.88 lbs.

1/4 Cup olive (or any veggie) oil

1 tsp. dried thyme leaves (or 2 Tbsp. chopped fresh)

1 tsp. dried marjoram leaves (or 2 Tbs. chopped fresh)

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. ground black pepper

1 lemon

1 whole chicken

Bird Pre-Cooking Tips
If you've never cooked  a bird before,
here are some starter steps that aren't
part of the recipe.  Stick your hand
inside and get everything out of it -
giblets and neck.  Then rinse it off,
inside and out.  Dry it as best as you
can using paper towels.  If you're
like me, a helper is good for this.  My
chicken seemed to flop around a lot,
so I definitely couldn't have made it
through this part alone!

1)  Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.

2)  Mix oil, thyme, marjoram, salt, and pepper in a small bowl.  Grate at least 1 tsp. lemon peel and stir the zest into the oil and spice mixture.  I just minced mine as finely as I could and it worked very well!  Cut lemon into quarters and stuff it inside the chicken!

All dressed up with nowhere to go
but Club Oven!

3)  As you can see from the picture to the left, my chicken had some serious issues with it's wings.  Though the recipe just stated that tying the legs together was necessary, we decided that tying the legs and the wings together would be the best idea.  Now, I couldn't find string, but I have scraps from a button-down shirt I made into a skirt a few weeks ago, so this chicken ended up being what I like to believe was the most fashionable chicken ever made!

Halfway there!

4)  Put your chicken on a rack in a pan, breast side up.  I used a

broiling pan.  And boy, afterwards, I sure was glad!  Because I don't have a brush, I just used my hands to put some of the oil mixture all over my chicken.  I used as much as I could get to sort of stick and covered everything!  Insert ovenproof meat thermometer so tip is in "the thickest part of thigh but does not touch bone."  I tried to get it in the right place, but it might have been touching bone.  I don't really know if it was, but it seemed to be in meat...

5)  Roast uncovered 45 minutes.  Then take it out and "brush" (in my case, spoon and pour) the remaining oil mixture on chicken.  Roast uncovered 30-45 minutes longer or until thermometer reads at least 165 degrees Fahrenheit and the legs move easily when lifted.

Now that it's out, Cover loosely with foil and let it sit for 15-20 minutes so that it's easier to cut it.  Remove lemon from chicken.  Carve at will.

The temperature is much higher than 165 degrees
after the second thirty minutes so I assumed it was
done even if the thermometer was in the wrong
place.  Browned so well!

Warning:  This is the most moist and flavorful chicken I've ever made and one of the most delicious I've ever eaten.  I'm working on the leftovers still and can't figure out who made it.  I totally don't believe 'twas me!  Also, those drippings make some fantastic gravy, though the gravy I make is always ridiculously lumpy.

Homemade Granola

I will be adjusting how I make this the next time.  I won't use oil next time, except to lightly coat the baking pan.  It seemed odd from the get-go, but the various recipes I found online all called for it, so I followed it blindly.  Of course, after I made it, I looked in the Red BC cookbook and found one that doesn't call for oil!  Why I never thought to look there is beyond me!  Anyway, I basically combined Alton Brown's "Granola" recipe and the key recipe from A Beautiful Mess "Homemade Granola:  3 Ways."  I opted for honey, almonds, and raisins for some really basic and delicious granola.

Like an edible trophy!

3 Cups rolled oats (not instant oatmeal, but the "old-fashioned" kind)

3 Tbsp. packed light brown sugar

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

a little salt

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

1/3 Cup honey

1/4 Cup vegetable oil

1 cup sliced almonds (or as many as make it look delicious to you!)

3/4 Cup raisins (or as many as you want!)

Step 1

1)  Preheat the oven to about 300 degrees Fahrenheit.

2)  Mix the oats, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt together.   I just used my hands to break everything up in an attempt to evenly distribute everything.

3)  Stir together the honey, oil, and vanilla.

Step 2

Step 3

4)  Mix the wet with the dry to make a nice, sticky, goopy, fragrant thing that will soon be baked into granola!  It's a really strange looking thing and probably the number one reason I'll be skipping oil next time!

5)  Put all the mixture onto a very lightly greased (or lined with parchment paper!) rimmed cookie sheet.  Put it in the oven for about 15 minutes.

It'll be in the Oven for about an hour total, but checking and stirring every 15 minutes seems to be a good rule of thumb.

6)  After 30 minutes (on your second check), stir in the almonds or whatever nuts you're using.  About 20 minutes later, stir in the raisins.  If the raisins are in the oven more than 10 minutes or so, they'll get really sticky or maybe even explode, which sounds like an unpleasant cleaning job in the making.

7)  After an hour or so, whenever it's nice and golden brown, take it out and let it cool.  Then put it in an airtight container - if you read my blogs, you know how I love jars, but I'm sure plastic containers, or even a Ziploc would work just as well... but it wouldn't look as good!

Homemade granola with homemade yogurt

Warning:  It's fantastic, snackable, and versatile.  It's not as clumpy as I'd have liked it to be, but I'm ashamed of how much I ate the other day when I was alone.  It's filling, somewhat good for you in moderation, and so delicious!  The reason I'll be modifying next time is just to cut down on the fat content (which comes entirely from the veggie oil) and to try to make the clumps better.  I'll probably add some more salt and cinnamon next time, too!  This also will make your house smell incredible!

Side note:  Cheese grits along with a broccoli/onion/feta
scramble is super duper delicious!

Reflection  Looking back on all this food, someone kept looking over my shoulder and smacking his lips, saying, "mmm," "yum," and "That was so good!"  Cooking is getting to be a really cathartic activity for me.  These three recipes were all exciting for me, given that each was a personal first!  I experimented with each one, even with the chicken, for which I carefully followed all the directions.  It's amazing what happens when you take a leap of faith, whether in food or in life.

This weekend, I get to cat sit for one of my best friends.  I'm excited about getting to cuddle a kitty in peace, without judgement, allergies, and with cable and fun!  Next week, I get to visit some super awesome people.  I'll be making a drive I've always dreaded, but this time, I'm not heading south to leave for a long series of school work, but for a short burst of friends and good times.  Maybe I'll take some food down to my friends, but we'll see!

For now, I'm really thankful for the people who are willing to help me with all of the insanity currently going on in my life.  It's so nice to have someone around to comfort me!  It's also awesome to be able to travel 360 miles in virtually any direction and be near someone who loves me.  It's tough to be far from so many friends, but I'm blessed to have each and every one.

If you're one of them, please know that I treasure you.  Also, make yourself some yummy food and think of me!

Weight loss is weird

A little over two years ago, something happened.  I started a journey.  I didn't go anywhere.  Not really, but about fifty pounds of me vanished into thin air.  Let's take a second to consider how awesome our bodies are for a second.  Our food either turns into energy or gets stored up to be energy in the future.  Maybe that's a key idea I missed in the beginning - the fat on our bodies is just waiting to be used.  It's been sitting around for weeks - maybe even years - to be used!  I've gone through a lot of mine in the past couple years.

Losing a significant amount of weight tends to attract attention, whether wanted or not, warranted in our minds or not, and sometimes when we really don't care anymore.  Because of this, I still find myself getting asked questions about my weight loss.  A lot of times it's someone from church harmlessly enough commenting, "You sure have lost some weight, haven't you?"  One elderly man told me after the Christmas Eve service - in which I sang a number of songs - "I just have to say that you look gorgeous."  It's weird what happens when you lose weight.  Not only does part of your body just go away, but so does part of who you are.

I still pass by mirrors and catch little glimpses of myself and have to stop and re-examine.  I don't look like who I think I am anymore.  I've heard and seen a lot of weight loss gimmicks whose spokespeople say things like, "I feel like myself again!"  Let me tell you that the only time I feel like the person I knew myself to be two years ago is when I'm sick or incapacitated in some way.  I spent the better part of ten years as a chubby girl.  I bought into the whole belief of my generation that a 5'6" girl wearing a size 14 wasn't fat; she was just "curvy."  I cheered with America Ferrera's character in Real Women Have Curves and laughed when I tried to imagine that Renee Zellweger's Bridget Jones was fat.  I ate as much pizza as I could get my hands on.  I gave up French fries the summer after my junior year of high school, but ate a McChicken, side salad, and pink lemonade a few times a week.

Now, I'm not making excuses here, but explanations are in order.  I won't tell you that being fat made me depressed or that being depressed made me sad.  They certainly played well off of each other and one habit fed the other both literally and metaphorically.  It's really easy to get down on yourself if others are down on you; it's even easier if you buy into their beliefs somehow, but are in denial.  In a lot of ways, I was totally different from my 7-12th grade peers.  My family life was less traditional, I'd just moved across the country, I had red hair, I had less experience with sports, I was chubbier, and I was a shy intelligent kid who didn't feel the least bit in control of her life.

Losing weight two years ago wasn't my first time.  The summer after eighth grade, I was in a pretty dark place and lost twenty-five pounds in a matter of weeks.  I tend to block out unpleasant life events and I'm terrible with remembering numbers, but that summer, I lost a significant amount of weight in a short time in an incredibly unhealthy manner.  I was sluggish and depressed - but I had something I was controlling.  The doctor confronted me about the sudden weight loss and drew blood to see if something was wrong with me. I made some excuses and returned to eating "normally" again.  The weight returned, too, more and more.  I grew, though, so I stayed the same size in pants throughout high school - a size 12.  After high school came the size 14's.  I cried about my new jeans while swallowing Oreos and talking to my then best friend.  In the fall of 2009, a close friend asked me to be her Maid of Honor for the wedding in October 2010.  I was also enrolled in a PE "class" at community college, so I started monitoring my calories by hand and with the help of the calorie counting book my grandparents had kept around the house since the mid-90's.  I decided not to count the calories of vegetables because most of them are "free" in Weight Watchers points.  I lost a little weight then and was pretty proud of myself.

The third years of things tend to be the years things in my life get rough.  My junior year of high school brought about the loss of my Nana, who invested her golden years in raising me.  My third year of college brought about the revelation that my great aunt had terminal cancer.  It's hard to be a teenager living at home and dealing with death.  It's also hard to be 22 and living 6.5 hours away dealing with the uncharted.

Still, in March of 2011, I had a doctor's appointment in which the doctor said she'd be more comfortable if I lost at least 20 pounds.  I weighed in at 200 pounds, by the way, which just about killed me.  I never thought I'd see the "two" as the first number of my weight.  Of course, I'd avoided scales for a good while, and ignored the results for even longer.  At the end of January, during the first of a few weekends home sponsored by the incredible generosity of a friend in Berea, I went on my "second first" date with the guy whose fingers sneaked their way into the picture of perfect oatmeal cookies.  We'd been friends for years and had decided to take a stab at something terrifying to both of us.  It was obvious from the start that this relationship would not be allowed to come at the expense of our friendship, so I explained to him what the doctor had said.  We decided that if I was going to go for 20, I might was well go for "it" - "it," of course, being health.  Yeah, we've pretty much all heard that losing 10% of your body fat makes a big difference, but how awesome would it be to be labeled "healthy" for the first time in forever?!  I used the body mass index as an estimator of where my healthy range would be - smack dab in the middle for my height is my ultimate goal: 135 pounds.

And so it began.  I need a way to track things.  I know there are people who believe that tracking things using a points systen is simpler or that simply upping their veggies and fruits will solve their weight issues, but I know I wouldn't be anywhere without logging all of my food all of the time.  I needed reality checks for every bite.  My Fitness Pal was the most fantastic thing I could have found.  There are other calorie tracking sites you can use, but I fell in love with MFP instantly.  When I finish my weight loss eventually, I will be even more ecstatic about the MFP app I've installed on my phone.

Here's the timeline I made of what happened during the first year of weight loss:

• March 7, 2011 - I started using My Fitness Pal religiously. I started out at 1550 calories and lost so much over the first could weeks that it soon started suggesting lowering my calorie threshold. I was in a water fitness class that semester.
• March 11-20, 2011 - Spring Break. I was with my boyfriend every day at some point, talking until I dozed off in his arms, driving anywhere but home, and falling more deeply in love. By day, I stayed home, helping, cleaning, making dinner, trying to stay upbeat, and praying for peace.
• April - Before returning home for summer, I returned to the doctor.  I made the nurse weigh me again. I'd already lost over 20 pounds. The doctor was impressed. My co-worker gave me a hard time, saying I'd gain it all back. My friends kept telling me I didn't need to lose weight, but by this point, I had a few won over.
• May 2011 - I was down to 1200 calories a day.  I searched for a summer job. I helped around the house. I worked at a concession stand a few nights a week. 
• June 2011 - In the same week I worked my new job as a waitress, my great aunt passed away. I ran away from it, but not so much to food as to the loving embrace of my boyfriend's sheltering arms. The night she died, I went to a friend's house and waited for a call. When I got the call, I was with my boyfriend. He held me as I cried and blurted every insecurity and sadness I was feeling. My staunchly unimpressed-by-religion boyfriend said to Christian as can be me, "She's in a better place." "I thought you don't believe that." "I don't, but you do. And that's all that matters."
• July - August 2011 - Being home was a stress with my family adjusting.
• October 8, 2011 - I came home for a weekend via Greyhound. I bought a car from a friend. I own a freedom chariot that carries me to the people I love.
• Mid-December 2011 - Mid-January 2012 - During Christmas Break, I abandoned strictly logging calories and being obsessed. I gained seven pounds, I think. I learned that sometimes it's worth it. I don't regret a moment.
• Mid January-End of January 2012- It was gone in a few weeks of cutting down to 1000 calories a day and aiming for protein over carbs and sugar.

To be honest, I haven't been losing weight for the last few months... I actually have gained a little and stabilized somewhere between 150 and 155.  My lowest weight was last summer when I was doing the Couch to 5K program and I was down to 145.  I've been pretty lacking in motivation myself lately.  I also have a few joint issues that aren't enough for doctors to care about, but are enough to leave me in some pretty dire straits when I'm in the middle of a run or stand up only to fall down because my knee gave out or my ankle decided to be weak.  So, for the past four months, I've been getting used to my body.  Maybe once I get comfortable seeing who I am, I'll be more ready to go all the way and blast those last 15-20 pounds.  Right now, though, I enjoy what I eat and eat healthily.  Though I haven't been tracking my calories, I'm proud of my maintenance and really am enjoying my body as it is.  I still feel so tiny, though!  I've come to the realization that I used to be able to just throw my weight around and that people ignored me more when I was heavy.

Now people look at me, comment about my weight, ask about my figure and workout routine (which is usually especially embarrassing because it's generally nonexistent), and some even beg for advice.  I never know who I'm more or less comfortable around: those who knew before me or those who only have met me since the 50 pounds vanished.  I know I'm glad my boyfriend knew me before because he was my rock during all o the initial tough times.  I wonder if I'll ever stop feeling like before people are mentally clocking each bite of ice cream or piece of bread.  I hate the comments of people who assume they know how I "stay so skinny," but still feel a little flicker of pride in keeping myself that way.  I don't like getting a lot of attention from strangers, but I love being able to publicly wear sweatpants and not be dodging cameras.

Weight loss is weird.

If you're ready to try it, though, here are my tips:

• Support:  I had my boyfriend pushing me, my friends backing me, and my family being fairly non-judgmental.  There are plenty of internet forums for help, too!
• Weigh in:  I did it every day for a long time.  Yeah, you'll go up some days and down others.  I find it comforting to see the overall downward slope, though.  The body is frickin' amazing.
• Be honest:  I told people outright why I wasn't eating this, that, or the other thing.  Instead of saying or believing that you're on a diet, call it a lifestyle change.  Tell others that you're "working toward" a goal, not depriving yourself.
• Exercise:  I'm a hypocrite, as I don't nearly enough, but I know I wouldn't have lost weight at different points nearly as quickly as I did.  Also, don't eat your exercise calories.
• Track your calories:  Just do it.
• Say goodbye:  Certain things in your life will not make it past weight loss.  I have so few clothes from two years ago.  Everything I have came from thrift stores, free piles, and the goodness of people's hearts.  You won't be eating a pizza every week anymore.  People will notice you.
• Motivation:  The doctor's opinion is what hooked me.  Ask your doctor what he/she thinks.
• Change:  Everything.  Eating habits, routines, clothes, shoes, etc.
• Believe:  Pray, hope, smile, cry, and be realistic.  This isn't easy.  It's really, really, really, super duper, crazy-awesome, ridiculously difficult.  But if I can do it, I know anyone can!

Here is what I wrote at the end of my one year dietversary note:

All in all, the past year could have been really awful. There were bits that were, but to be perfectly honest, being in love with my best friend has been the best thing about it. He has helped me with every piece of everything. From holding me when I cry to scolding me when I'm irrational, from patiently explaining how to do a push up to how to fix my laptop, and for never ceasing to believe I am capable of anything, I am a better version of myself in the here and now. 

I had also resolved to lose the rest by March 2013.  That didn't happen, but I did buy and rock a bikini (though admittedly a Turkish beach was the perfect place to feel good about my body) and don't feel guilty about indulgences.

Non-scale victories all around!  Good luck and God's blessings to anyone who has the courage to take the leap!  I really am open to questions!

God works in mysterious ways; brownies work in obvious ways.

It's been a while since I posted, but I have been making some interesting food lately!  about two weeks ago, I made a beef roast.  With leftovers from that, I made beef stroganoff.  Then, last week I tried to recreate my Nana's mint brownies (which I haven't had in at least seven years!).  Saturday, I made the brownies again, along with what I like to call perfect oatmeal cookies.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my past.  I've been exploring my culinary memories with both the stroganoff and the mint brownies.  I took a few liberties, did some research, and made some guesses, but everything turned out really well!  I'm hoping that I can use some of my past skills in the near future, too  Maybe, with some prayers and hard work, an employer will be able to see that I'm talented and can do some great things if given the opportunity.

Stroganoff
I found the stroganoff recipe in the handy dandy Betty Crocker Cookbook I gave the boyfriend for Christmas, but a similar one is available online!  I have yet to try anything out of that book that hasn't turned out fantastically, by the way, so I highly recommend it.  I grew up with an old copy of my grandparents'.  It's falling apart now, without the back cover, some clear duct tape, but I still use it for sugar cookies and banana bread.  I'm so glad I invested in this book!

- 1 1/2 lb beef tenderloin or boneless top loin steak (or, apparently, any beef)

-2 tbsp butter (it's just for browning the beef, so any oil or grease will do)

-1 1/2 cups beef broth (I used leftover broth from beef roast)

-2 tbsp ketchup (I also added a touch of Worcestershire sauce)

-1 tsp salt

-1 small clove garlic, finely chopped (I used extra!)

-3 cups sliced fresh mushrooms (I used a drained can of sliced mushrooms)

-1 medium onion

-1/4 cup all-purpose flour

-1 cup sour cream or plain yogurt (Can you say, "Homemade yogurt"?)

-hot cooked noodles or rice (I used whole wheat egg noodles)

1)  Brown the beef in butter or bacon grease or whatever you're using.  (Very abridged.  If your're going to use large pieces of meat, the gist is to slice it into thin strips.)

2)  Reserve 1/3 cup of the broth.  Stir remaining broth, the ketchup, salt, and garlic into beef.  Heat t boiling; reduce heat.  Cover; simmer about 10 minutes or until beef is tender.  (Now is when I used the Worcestershire...)

3)  Stir in mushrooms and onion.  Heat to boiling; reduce heat.  Cover; simmer about 5 minutes longer or until onion is tender.

4)  In tightly covered container, shake reserved 1/3 cup broth and the flour until mixed; gradually stir into beef mixture.  Heat to boiling, stirring constantly.  Boil and stir 1 minute; reduce heat to low.  Stir in sour cream; heat until hot.  Serve over noodles.

Perfect Oatmeal Cookies  (thanks, Smitten Kitchen!)

I discovered this recipe a week or so before Christmas and the batch I made the day before Easter was at least my sixth.  Let me just say that I'm not usually a fan of oatmeal raisin cookies, but these are delicious in their original recipe form!  However, I almost immediately wanted to try them with cranberries - or mixed berries, as it turned out! - and almonds.  I like them better out of the cookies, so I figured I'd probably like them better in the cookies, as well!  So, here's my revised ingredients list:

-1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened

-2/3 cup brown sugar, packed

-1 large egg

-1/2 tsp vanilla extract

-3/4 cup all-purpose flour

-1/2 tsp baking soda

-3/4 tsp ground cinnamon

-1/4 tbs salt

-1 1/2 cups rolled oats

-3/4 cup dried mixed berries or dried cranberries

-1/2 cup sliced almonds

1)  Cream together the butter, brown sugar, egg, and vanilla until it's as smooth as you can get it.  If you don't have a mixer available, you can still do it!  I've only used a mixer on it once and the times I've used a spoon, the cookies have turned out just as well.  Since I'm generally pressed for time and it's too chilly to soften butter on the counter top, I put the stick of butter in the microwave for about 15 seconds until it's a little soft and only a bit is melted.  It works out really well!

2)  In a separate bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt together.  Stir this into the butter / sugar / egg / vanilla mixture.

3)  Stir in the oats, fruit, and nuts.  Make sure you don't use quick oats; use the old fashioned ones.  I can only imagine that the quick cooking oats would ruin the awesome texture of the cookies!

4)  Chill the dough thoroughly!  Smitten Kitchen's author wants you to have the freedom to choose to not refrigerate the dough.  In this case, it's like Nike's motto: "Just do it!"  Trust me; it's worth it!  It keeps the cookies thick and chewy.  the only choice here is whether or not you want to ball the dough and chill it on the pan or to chill it in the bowl.  I'd say about an hour is the minimum time for the fridge.  I prefer in the bowl because I can cover it that way.  Also, for double batches, then I can re-refrigerate while the first batch is in. 

5)  Pre-heat the oven to 350°F. I just oil the pan instead of using parchment paper and place the cookie dough balls a few inches apart.

6)  Bake for about 10-12 minutes, but because I bake two pans at a time.  I switch them around 5 minutes.  Smitten Kitchen says, "Take them out when golden at the edges but still a little undercooked-looking on top.  Let them sit on the hot baking sheet for five minutes before transferring them to a rack to cool."

Personally, I just bake them for about 12 minutes until they look amazing.  If they look at all undercooked, someone tends to overreact about the raw egg.  So now I bake them until they're just done and let them sit on the pan until they're cool.  Sometimes that same someone can't wait until they're cool - and neither can I!

Hint:  those are not my fingers snatching a cookie!

Mint Brownies

These are the title-inspiring brownies.  My Nana's fairly famous mint brownies were her go-to recipe for holidays and pot-lucks.  I didn't like them much when I was a kid, as mint was not a flavorate of mine (please, notice the pun!), but I've been craving them recently.  They're super easy, super delicious, and totally worth it.  As the boyfriend pointed out Easter Sunday, though, "I hope you don't have diabetes."  They're a sugar rush on a plate!

-1 box of brownies (and the ingredients called for on the box)

(Also, I always add a touch more oil and water to make them extra moist!)

-1 can white/vanilla frosting

-1 tsp peppermint extract/2 tsp if using vanilla frosting

-green food coloring (enough to color the frosting)

-1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

-3-4 tbsp butter

1)  Make the brownies according to the directions on the box.  Bake them in a 9"x13" pan.  Please buy a decent brownie mix!  One brand is on sale each week.  After they cool down, put them in the fridge to cool down a lot.  Approximately an hour seems about right to me, but I just did it by feel.

2)  While you're waiting for them to cool, pop open the frosting and mix the peppermint extract and food coloring throughout.  Light green is better than dark green just because it's more appetizing!

When the brownies are cool, spread the frosting onto the brownies as evenly as possible.  It doesn't really matter if it's smooth, but it'll help the next step if it's reasonably smooth.

Stick the brownies back in the fridge for about another hour or so.

3)  During this waiting, you get to make the final topping.  Put the chocolate chips and the butter into a bowl or a double boiler.  Put water in the pan and let it heat up.  Mix the chips and butter together as they melt.  This won't take long, so don't start until the frosting is almost hardened in the fridge.

4)  Now, spread the chocolate mixture atop the frosting as quickly as you can.  If you don't do it fast enough, the frosting will melt and get mixed in with it.  I suppose this wouldn't change the taste, really (mine even got a little mixed in one swirl), but the layered brownies are wonderful!

5)  Refrigerate again until the chocolate is hardened.  Your patience will be rewarded with with a really cool looking and delicious pan of brownies!  They have to be kept refrigerated or else they become super messy, so watch out!

Sorry for the cell phone "quality!"

Reflection:  I tend to put off trying things if I'm afraid I'm going to screw them up.  It's sometimes actually easier for me to try something completely new than it is for me to take a stab at something familiar.  New restaurant?  Sure.  New recipe?  Let me at it!  New movie?  Eh...

So trying to make stroganoff and mint brownies has been intimidating me for a while.  When I made the beef roast a few weeks ago, though, I realized that my culinary intuition leads me to great things.  I don't usually even like beef roast, but that stuff was so tasty I ate it straight from the Crock Pot!  That gave me some courage to try my ultra-homemade stroganoff.  And then came the brownies.  I wasn't sure I'd ever taste them again, but that first bite brought so many memories rushing back.  Nana used to make part of the pan plain for me - the problem was that I didn't like edges, either, so it was tricky to do.  By the time I appreciated the taste, we'd moved to the Midwest and she hardly made them.  I was scared to try the topping on them, but I did it with great success.

This year's Easter was the best I've had in a very long while - and this is not meant to put down any of the interesting an fun-filled Easters of recent years, but this one hearkened back to my childhood.  Mint brownies.  Church (as usual!).  Family time (even though it wasn't my family).  Catch after a big meal.  A few phone calls.  An Easter basket with goodies and gifts.  It may not sound like much, but for a girl whose Easter routine traditionally included church, a family gathering, and physical activity, it was a complete blessing!  Various people who tried the mint brownies remarked about how good they were and even motivated one person in particular to spark a conversation with me.  

Alleluia for mint brownies, memories, and Easter blessings of love, redemption, rebirth, and renewal!